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The Essential Way to Find Destructive Behaviors and Replace Them with Constructive Ones

Updated: Mar 30, 2021

One of the easiest ways to show yourself compassion is to be in the moment and not judge yourself. When we are critical to ourselves, we reinforce criticism in our minds and bodies. When we witness our behaviors and do not judge, we may understand that we need to change, but it becomes easier to do so. This is because we allow ourselves to make the change based on our desire to do so. Criticizing and beating ourselves up doesn't work to force ourselves to make changes.

Finding the Highest Goal We Want to Achieve

To allow ourselves the easiest way to make changes, we need to be kind to ourselves about the changes we wish to make. It also means that we must acknowledge the truth about our behaviors. If you feel disappointed with your behavior, ask yourself what this behavior got you.

What did this behavior do for you? Once you have the answer, you will need to repeat the question. Repeat it until you have reached the final answer. You may find yourself repeating the same answer in different ways. It is the point where you cannot answer the question anymore.

For example:

If your behavior was that you had eaten too much for the past two weeks, ask yourself:

· Question: What did eating too much do for you?

· Answer: I was able to feel more full and satisfied.

· Question: And what did that do for you?

· Answer: It made me feel more grounded.

· Question: And what did that do for you?

· Answer: felt as if I was able to focus more on what I was doing at the time.

· Question: And what did that do for you?

· Answer: It made me feel more alive and productive.

· Question: And what did that do for you?

· Answer: I felt I was a part of society.

· Question: And what did that do for you?

· Answer: It made me feel one with the universe.

· Question: And what did that do for you?

· Answer: I felt peaceful.

· Question: And what did that do for you?

· Answer: Bring me peace.

See how the last two sentences were the same, “I felt peaceful,” and “Bring me peace?” They both focused on having peace. This answer became the final answer in the chain of asking this question. It helped to reach the highest answer possible for the behavior.

You wouldn’t think that destructive behavior could produce feelings of peace. But it does. But, when you are aware that behavior is destructive, you can change it. Then, a more productive behavior will achieve the same result and answer.

Replace the Behavior with a Constructive One

Instead of continuing with the destructive behavior, replace it with a constructive one. But how do you know which behavior to replace it with?

Try asking yourself:

· What behavior can I replace this one with that is more beneficial and supportive for my wellbeing?

Once you ask the question, you may get a few answers that pop up for you. Over the next week, you may notice more answers to your question coming up. They will show themselves from the external world around you. It is as if the universe is answering your question until you find the best answer.

Make a note of all the answers that come up for you over the next week. You can then test which one seems to be the best for you to try.

If working on this further would benefit you, please schedule a clarity call and let’s find out what your best next steps are!

Blessings & Love, Jen

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