Updated: Mar 30, 2021
Welcome to 2021! Most people talk about making resolutions or goal setting in the month of January, and those are great things, but since you are probably getting that info somewhere else I thought we could work on being more assertive! Over the course of the month, I am going to share stories, tips and advice on how to be more assertive in what you want and how you communicate.
Let me be clear, this is not so you can get your way all the time or bull doze over people. We work on this so that you are a better spouse, child, friend and co-worker, better to and for all those people you are surrounded by that you love and who love you. We are going to start with a little “quiz” to see how assertive you are and will hopefully give you tips to start being more assertive when you are communicating.
What is Your Communications Style?
People have different ways of communicating. Assertive communication is more effective than other styles. Complete the following to learn more about your style of communicating.
· Doesn’t talk much or rambles on without saying directly what s/he wants
· Vague, non-committal communication
· Puts self down, praises others
“I don’t mind working this weekend…that’s fine…yes, alright”
Passive - Aggressive Communication
· Indirect – makes the point with innuendo, snide comments or jokes
· Shows up late
· ‘Forgets’ about relevant details
“So, we are expected to give up our free time to finish the project over the weekend?”
· Sarcastic, harsh, always right
· Superior, know it all
· Interrupts, talks over others,
· Critical, put-downs
· Disrespectful of others
“This is what we’re doing, if you don’t like it, tough.”
· Actions and expressions fit with the words spoken
· Firm but polite and clear messages
· Respectful of self and others
“I am willing to help for a few hours, but I need to leave at noon.”
(Adapted from Communication Styles, Carol Vivyan)
Spend some time reflecting on how you communicate? Use these prompts to journal around what you notice yourself doing and how you are acting. This is a topic I think everyone could work on to some degree, I know I can and do! Don't judge yourself for where you are at currently, but use the next 3 weeks to learn how you could make small changes so that you could learn to be more assertive!
Which communication style do you typically use?
Do you use different styles in different situations or with different people? Why?
How can you improve your communication style given this information?